I can not believe how long it has been since I've posted anything on here... Summer flew by, like it does here in Alaska, since it is so short... We went camping a few times and also went scouting for some gold mining locations... Its a big thing up here to try out... Got some gold pans and a few supplies but never made it back out...
Summer ended and Zack went back to school and also started cub scouts... Eric is the den leader for the Bear troop and that has been keeping us very busy...
Thanksgiving was a success... Just a small dinner with Eric, Zack and myself... It was very nice to spend the whole 4 day vacation with just by boys... Next we have Christmas... I LOVE Christmas... Got our tree up and this weekend we are going to work on the outside lights... Can't wait to see them all up... Then maybe I can actually go out and get some presents for under the tree...
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
May 25, 2011
Sorry my friends for taking so long to write. Things have been so hectic around here... Would you believe I haven't done anything in forever. When I say hectic, I mean in my head... I've been personally dealing with a lot of issues.
As many of you may know, I've been dealing with issues of my weight pretty much since childhood... Problem I'm having is lately with the help of some counseling, I have come to the conclusion that I haven't had a problem with my weight... everyone else does. Let me get one thing off my chest.... I am happy being me... And if me is 400 lbs then I am happy... I don't have to be skinny to be happy and you may be concerned about my health but you know what you can do... Keep it to yourself! I faithfully go to my doctors and have my health monitored... You don't have to sit there and look down on me because I just happen to be larger then you...
That felt good. I have the hardest time telling the people I love how I feel because I don't want them to feel as bad as I have felt my entire life. I've never felt a part of a family... I have a great family, but when I'm with them I feel like an outsider... Always have... Its funny to say but whenever I am around my family I feel like I'm 12 and should ask for permission to do anything.... And here I sit, almost 41 years old and feel like a child. I don't think they are doing anything on purpose to make me feel like that, but I also can't help the way I feel.
Over the past few weeks, I've been taking a look deep inside of me and have come to the conclusion that if there is going to be any changes in my life its because I want them or need them for me... Not for you! If you want to offer encouragement for my choices that is fine, but please do not call me, text me, write me, or contact me if all you want to know is how much weight I've lost!!! Where are the phone calls asking how I or my son is doing with my husband 5600 mile away? My weight is not that important to me... why is it to you?
Sorry if this was upsetting to you.... it was not intended to be that way at all... This blog is strictly for me to get my feelings out so I don't bottle them up... But I am loving that you want to share not only my happiness but my sadness and fears!
Love to all!!!
As many of you may know, I've been dealing with issues of my weight pretty much since childhood... Problem I'm having is lately with the help of some counseling, I have come to the conclusion that I haven't had a problem with my weight... everyone else does. Let me get one thing off my chest.... I am happy being me... And if me is 400 lbs then I am happy... I don't have to be skinny to be happy and you may be concerned about my health but you know what you can do... Keep it to yourself! I faithfully go to my doctors and have my health monitored... You don't have to sit there and look down on me because I just happen to be larger then you...
That felt good. I have the hardest time telling the people I love how I feel because I don't want them to feel as bad as I have felt my entire life. I've never felt a part of a family... I have a great family, but when I'm with them I feel like an outsider... Always have... Its funny to say but whenever I am around my family I feel like I'm 12 and should ask for permission to do anything.... And here I sit, almost 41 years old and feel like a child. I don't think they are doing anything on purpose to make me feel like that, but I also can't help the way I feel.
Over the past few weeks, I've been taking a look deep inside of me and have come to the conclusion that if there is going to be any changes in my life its because I want them or need them for me... Not for you! If you want to offer encouragement for my choices that is fine, but please do not call me, text me, write me, or contact me if all you want to know is how much weight I've lost!!! Where are the phone calls asking how I or my son is doing with my husband 5600 mile away? My weight is not that important to me... why is it to you?
Sorry if this was upsetting to you.... it was not intended to be that way at all... This blog is strictly for me to get my feelings out so I don't bottle them up... But I am loving that you want to share not only my happiness but my sadness and fears!
Love to all!!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
April 18, 2011
You know... when I started this blog it was because my sister thought it would be a good way for me to put down on paper... so to speak... how I was feeling about my husband's deployment... Also what it is like for a 'single' mother to deal with daily issues and for everyone else to see what it is like for me... I've come to once conclusion... MY LIFE IS BORING...
The highlight of my day is when I go to Walmart... And lately I don't even feel like doing that. Doctors are actually getting worried about me... think I am holding too much inside and not dealing with daily stresses like I should... Not sure what I'm supposed to do about it.. can't change the fact that I am stressed about things or stop the things from happening... Also think that I may be suffering from depression. This is an option that worries me... mainly because I don't know anything about depression. When I hear the word, I think of sadness, crying, woe is me kind of stuff... I don't feel sad and I don't cry and why would I woe is me... Everybody else around here is in the same boat and I can honestly say I'm not wallowing in the fact that my husband is not home... I was actually looking forward to the deployment... So how am I depressed??
The family psychiatrist that I am seeing for Zack and his diagnosis's... seems to think that because I have absolutely no desire to do anything that I am depressed. There may be something wrong but I don't know if depression is it. She thinks because I don't want to leave my home everyday and go shopping or even window shopping that I am depressed. Because I don't feel like doing the dishes every single day, I'm depressed. I feed, water, dress, bath... my child and my dogs on a daily basis or as needed... I don't bath them all everyday but I make sure they are clean and have clean clothes and eat regularly... but I don't feel like doing the dishes. I do admit, I have absolutely no energy... I am tired all of the time. I've gone in to have blood work done and so far everything is normal... but yet, I am tired and sleep everyday... I take at least one 2 hour nap daily... sometimes I get a second nap in in the evening for an hour or so.
So if anyone out there can give me some warning signs or things to look for for depression I would really appreciate it. I just wish they (all the doctors) could just figure out what is wrong with me, because I do think something is wrong... I'm just tired of waiting for the right result to come in!
Hope everyone has a beautiful day!!!
The highlight of my day is when I go to Walmart... And lately I don't even feel like doing that. Doctors are actually getting worried about me... think I am holding too much inside and not dealing with daily stresses like I should... Not sure what I'm supposed to do about it.. can't change the fact that I am stressed about things or stop the things from happening... Also think that I may be suffering from depression. This is an option that worries me... mainly because I don't know anything about depression. When I hear the word, I think of sadness, crying, woe is me kind of stuff... I don't feel sad and I don't cry and why would I woe is me... Everybody else around here is in the same boat and I can honestly say I'm not wallowing in the fact that my husband is not home... I was actually looking forward to the deployment... So how am I depressed??
The family psychiatrist that I am seeing for Zack and his diagnosis's... seems to think that because I have absolutely no desire to do anything that I am depressed. There may be something wrong but I don't know if depression is it. She thinks because I don't want to leave my home everyday and go shopping or even window shopping that I am depressed. Because I don't feel like doing the dishes every single day, I'm depressed. I feed, water, dress, bath... my child and my dogs on a daily basis or as needed... I don't bath them all everyday but I make sure they are clean and have clean clothes and eat regularly... but I don't feel like doing the dishes. I do admit, I have absolutely no energy... I am tired all of the time. I've gone in to have blood work done and so far everything is normal... but yet, I am tired and sleep everyday... I take at least one 2 hour nap daily... sometimes I get a second nap in in the evening for an hour or so.
So if anyone out there can give me some warning signs or things to look for for depression I would really appreciate it. I just wish they (all the doctors) could just figure out what is wrong with me, because I do think something is wrong... I'm just tired of waiting for the right result to come in!
Hope everyone has a beautiful day!!!
Monday, April 4, 2011
April 4, 2011
Holy cow its been a while since I've been on here... Been keeping myself pretty busy trying out new diet foods and reading up on diabetic diets... I'm not diabetic but my nutritionist, Liz, says that would be the best way for me to loose weight... I went today and bought myself some slim fast mixes and also some Carnation instant breakfast drinks to have for breakfast and lunch to see if those will help... We will see!
Zack has been doing really good. Got his last report card and he got Honors in math again... so proud of him! Eric is also doing well... We talk 3 times a week...
We were supposed to chat this morning but had to postpone until tomorrow morning since this morning I was a little tied up with doctor appointments. I had to do my yearly pulmonary function test to check my lungs from the asthma and the COPD... then after that I had to go and do my very first mammogram... Not something I would advice for fun... Necessity but not for fun... It was painful in more ways then one... Not only do they squish the crap out of you but when there were doing mine they split the skin under my breast... That was the worst part... so glad I only have to do that every few years!!
Actually have an easy week this week... Nothing planned until Saturday and thats when I have to take my dogs to the groomers to get cleaned up and hair cuts... Haven't decided yet what we are doing for Easter... And Eric's birthday is coming up the end of the month too... Need to get him a box together and send him some treats!
I think I'm gonna go chill out for a bit and read my book... Hope you all have a great night!
Zack has been doing really good. Got his last report card and he got Honors in math again... so proud of him! Eric is also doing well... We talk 3 times a week...
We were supposed to chat this morning but had to postpone until tomorrow morning since this morning I was a little tied up with doctor appointments. I had to do my yearly pulmonary function test to check my lungs from the asthma and the COPD... then after that I had to go and do my very first mammogram... Not something I would advice for fun... Necessity but not for fun... It was painful in more ways then one... Not only do they squish the crap out of you but when there were doing mine they split the skin under my breast... That was the worst part... so glad I only have to do that every few years!!
Actually have an easy week this week... Nothing planned until Saturday and thats when I have to take my dogs to the groomers to get cleaned up and hair cuts... Haven't decided yet what we are doing for Easter... And Eric's birthday is coming up the end of the month too... Need to get him a box together and send him some treats!
I think I'm gonna go chill out for a bit and read my book... Hope you all have a great night!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
March 21, 2011
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!!
Well it is for everyone else in the lower 48... Looking for higher temperatures and watching the grass green up... I would love to see that, but I still have a good foot of snow on the ground and possibly going to get more snow next week...
This week, however, I am enjoying the 30 degree temperatures... Been really busy this past week... Last Monday, Zack and I took a trip to Anchorage. Zack had to go down and see a neurologist. Did some observations and checked him out and he came to the same conclusion the doctors up here did... Zack has Tourette Syndrome. Nothing can be done about it unless his tics get so bad he can't function. Doctor is actually hopeful that as Zack grows into adulthood that his tics will diminish to some simple quirky things. Let's hope so!!
The rest of the week Zack and I just enjoyed ourselves staying at home... He was on spring break so I went and got him some movies and video games from the local library and told him to do what he wanted... He liked that!!! On Friday night he went over to a friend's house and stayed the night and last night his friend's came over here. I made them some homemade pizza and chocolate cake... I was in the mood to bake yesterday... Chocolate chip cookies, macadamia nut cookies, triple chocolate chip cake... and this morning I got up and put two loaves of banana bread in the oven. Smells good in here...
I think this next week I'm gonna start doing some spring cleaning... We've been shut up in the house all winter and since the temps this week are predicted in the 30s and 40s... Its time to open some windows and get out the mop and bucket! Maybe if I can get rid of some of this ... well crap... laying around I will get motivated to do some cleaning up on myself as well....
Not been doing so good this month on my diet... It really upset me last month when I worked so hard to loose some weight and ended up gaining.... After this month of just feeling drained I need to get up and start over and try to work out more and harder... Going to make an appointment with my doc and see if I need to get my blood work done again.... Been feeling really sluggish lately and doing a lot of sleeping... Also see if there is anything she can give me to help the pain in my knee... I think if my knee would feel better I'd be able to work out on my bike and treadmill more often... I rode for a mile last night on the bike and my knee was on fire the whole time.... Definitely need to figure out how to get that to stop!
Well... gonna go read a book... Started a trilogy on Friday and I'm getting ready to start book 2 today... I just love Nora Roberts!!! Hope you all have a beautiful and blessed day!!!!
Well it is for everyone else in the lower 48... Looking for higher temperatures and watching the grass green up... I would love to see that, but I still have a good foot of snow on the ground and possibly going to get more snow next week...
This week, however, I am enjoying the 30 degree temperatures... Been really busy this past week... Last Monday, Zack and I took a trip to Anchorage. Zack had to go down and see a neurologist. Did some observations and checked him out and he came to the same conclusion the doctors up here did... Zack has Tourette Syndrome. Nothing can be done about it unless his tics get so bad he can't function. Doctor is actually hopeful that as Zack grows into adulthood that his tics will diminish to some simple quirky things. Let's hope so!!
The rest of the week Zack and I just enjoyed ourselves staying at home... He was on spring break so I went and got him some movies and video games from the local library and told him to do what he wanted... He liked that!!! On Friday night he went over to a friend's house and stayed the night and last night his friend's came over here. I made them some homemade pizza and chocolate cake... I was in the mood to bake yesterday... Chocolate chip cookies, macadamia nut cookies, triple chocolate chip cake... and this morning I got up and put two loaves of banana bread in the oven. Smells good in here...
I think this next week I'm gonna start doing some spring cleaning... We've been shut up in the house all winter and since the temps this week are predicted in the 30s and 40s... Its time to open some windows and get out the mop and bucket! Maybe if I can get rid of some of this ... well crap... laying around I will get motivated to do some cleaning up on myself as well....
Not been doing so good this month on my diet... It really upset me last month when I worked so hard to loose some weight and ended up gaining.... After this month of just feeling drained I need to get up and start over and try to work out more and harder... Going to make an appointment with my doc and see if I need to get my blood work done again.... Been feeling really sluggish lately and doing a lot of sleeping... Also see if there is anything she can give me to help the pain in my knee... I think if my knee would feel better I'd be able to work out on my bike and treadmill more often... I rode for a mile last night on the bike and my knee was on fire the whole time.... Definitely need to figure out how to get that to stop!
Well... gonna go read a book... Started a trilogy on Friday and I'm getting ready to start book 2 today... I just love Nora Roberts!!! Hope you all have a beautiful and blessed day!!!!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
March 10, 2011
My goodness... You would think with all the time that has passed that a lot has been going on and I've been so busy that I can't take 5 minutes to do an update on here... Well, actually its pretty much the opposite... Been rather boring... Zack and I did do a couple of things... We got invited by a good friend to go to the local indoor football arena for a game! That was fun and I won a door prize... Actually everyone in our group did! 3 for 3 was not bad in the prize department!! Zack had a lot of fun too!!
Zack and his friend Javon!!
Been going to a few appointments for Zack to get him signed into the daycare here... Not that its needed but in the summer time it will definitely be wanted when he is driving me crazy because he is bored!!!
On Monday, we are heading to Anchorage to go and talk to a pediatric neurologist about Zack and his diagnosis of Tourette Syndrome. I guess they want to do some brain scans to see if they can see any neurological problems that could be causing his tics... I guess its just to confirm he has Tourettes... will find out more when we get there!
Eric has been gone now for over a month... 1 down too many to go!!! We did find out he gets to come home in August sometime for R & R... That will be good... He will be here when Zack goes back to school! Too bad he won't be here to enjoy some Alaska summer with us!!
I think this weekend I want to take Zack to Ice Alaska... Every year here in Fairbanks they have a World Championship Ice Carving contest... Great big beautiful ice sculptures done by the top sculptures in the world... I was told I need to go and buy Zack a rectangular sled and take him so he can ride the ice slide! They light it all up in the evening, which gives the sculptures a whole different look... I will make sure and get batteries for the camera... Hope its not too cold... since I don't have snow pants!!!
I think that is all for now!! Hope you are all having a fantastic week!!! I am off to finish housework... The life of a mom never ends... especially in the laundry room!!!
Zack and his friend Javon!!
Been going to a few appointments for Zack to get him signed into the daycare here... Not that its needed but in the summer time it will definitely be wanted when he is driving me crazy because he is bored!!!
On Monday, we are heading to Anchorage to go and talk to a pediatric neurologist about Zack and his diagnosis of Tourette Syndrome. I guess they want to do some brain scans to see if they can see any neurological problems that could be causing his tics... I guess its just to confirm he has Tourettes... will find out more when we get there!
Eric has been gone now for over a month... 1 down too many to go!!! We did find out he gets to come home in August sometime for R & R... That will be good... He will be here when Zack goes back to school! Too bad he won't be here to enjoy some Alaska summer with us!!
I think this weekend I want to take Zack to Ice Alaska... Every year here in Fairbanks they have a World Championship Ice Carving contest... Great big beautiful ice sculptures done by the top sculptures in the world... I was told I need to go and buy Zack a rectangular sled and take him so he can ride the ice slide! They light it all up in the evening, which gives the sculptures a whole different look... I will make sure and get batteries for the camera... Hope its not too cold... since I don't have snow pants!!!
I think that is all for now!! Hope you are all having a fantastic week!!! I am off to finish housework... The life of a mom never ends... especially in the laundry room!!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
02/12/11 - 02/18/2011
02/15/2011
Day after Valentine's Day... I sure hope your day was better than mine.... Last week Eric made a comment about not screwing up when Valentine's day is... Fast Forward... Valentine's Day comes and I sit at the house all day just incase my dear husband sends me something from overseas... I watch on Facebook as my friends keep posting pictures of the beautiful bouquets of flowers they are getting... Awww so sweet!!! One comment on one post says 'Now that is real love, when your husband takes time out of his day in Iraq to send his beautiful wife beautiful flowers!' Wow... that is so cool... I am so excited to see what my wonderful husband is sending me....
Back to today.... Nothing! I went to bed so upset last night, hurt that my husband didn't send me something... So mad I was having bad dreams about us fighting over his lack of caring...So I get up this morning after having one of the worst nights of sleep since he left... Turn on the computer, turn on Skype, and wait for him to log on....
Finally he gets on and in a very calm voice after the hellos and I love yous... I say to him... 'Just wondering if you sent me something for Valentine's Day, because nothing showed up...', Just hoping maybe it just didn't get delivered.... His answer... No, Just didn't think about it. Wow... It took everything I had not to burst into tears at that moment... I get it, he's overseas... I shouldn't be so petty and be upset because my husband of almost 17 years didn't sent me a Valentine... But you know what... I am sad... I am petty... and I am pissed that he had no trouble spending $120 on a hard drive for his computer but couldn't buy me a Valentine. Does that make me a bad wife? I don't think so! I think any woman would be hurt no matter where their husband is... And I'm not gonna feel sorry for him for 'not thinking about it'... It hurt so bad... It felt like he was saying to me... No, Just didn't think about YOU!
Now if something shows up it just won't mean the same... It will be an I'm sorry gift instead of an I love you one... Like I've said before... Whatcha gonna do? I've tried for 17 years to get this man to take a hint and remember days like Valentine's day is something special to a girl... Maybe its my fault for expecting him to change and just get it... finally!
I hope everyone else's Valentines Day was a lot happier then mine!
Day after Valentine's Day... I sure hope your day was better than mine.... Last week Eric made a comment about not screwing up when Valentine's day is... Fast Forward... Valentine's Day comes and I sit at the house all day just incase my dear husband sends me something from overseas... I watch on Facebook as my friends keep posting pictures of the beautiful bouquets of flowers they are getting... Awww so sweet!!! One comment on one post says 'Now that is real love, when your husband takes time out of his day in Iraq to send his beautiful wife beautiful flowers!' Wow... that is so cool... I am so excited to see what my wonderful husband is sending me....
Back to today.... Nothing! I went to bed so upset last night, hurt that my husband didn't send me something... So mad I was having bad dreams about us fighting over his lack of caring...So I get up this morning after having one of the worst nights of sleep since he left... Turn on the computer, turn on Skype, and wait for him to log on....
Finally he gets on and in a very calm voice after the hellos and I love yous... I say to him... 'Just wondering if you sent me something for Valentine's Day, because nothing showed up...', Just hoping maybe it just didn't get delivered.... His answer... No, Just didn't think about it. Wow... It took everything I had not to burst into tears at that moment... I get it, he's overseas... I shouldn't be so petty and be upset because my husband of almost 17 years didn't sent me a Valentine... But you know what... I am sad... I am petty... and I am pissed that he had no trouble spending $120 on a hard drive for his computer but couldn't buy me a Valentine. Does that make me a bad wife? I don't think so! I think any woman would be hurt no matter where their husband is... And I'm not gonna feel sorry for him for 'not thinking about it'... It hurt so bad... It felt like he was saying to me... No, Just didn't think about YOU!
Now if something shows up it just won't mean the same... It will be an I'm sorry gift instead of an I love you one... Like I've said before... Whatcha gonna do? I've tried for 17 years to get this man to take a hint and remember days like Valentine's day is something special to a girl... Maybe its my fault for expecting him to change and just get it... finally!
I hope everyone else's Valentines Day was a lot happier then mine!
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