Sorry my friends for taking so long to write. Things have been so hectic around here... Would you believe I haven't done anything in forever. When I say hectic, I mean in my head... I've been personally dealing with a lot of issues.
As many of you may know, I've been dealing with issues of my weight pretty much since childhood... Problem I'm having is lately with the help of some counseling, I have come to the conclusion that I haven't had a problem with my weight... everyone else does. Let me get one thing off my chest.... I am happy being me... And if me is 400 lbs then I am happy... I don't have to be skinny to be happy and you may be concerned about my health but you know what you can do... Keep it to yourself! I faithfully go to my doctors and have my health monitored... You don't have to sit there and look down on me because I just happen to be larger then you...
That felt good. I have the hardest time telling the people I love how I feel because I don't want them to feel as bad as I have felt my entire life. I've never felt a part of a family... I have a great family, but when I'm with them I feel like an outsider... Always have... Its funny to say but whenever I am around my family I feel like I'm 12 and should ask for permission to do anything.... And here I sit, almost 41 years old and feel like a child. I don't think they are doing anything on purpose to make me feel like that, but I also can't help the way I feel.
Over the past few weeks, I've been taking a look deep inside of me and have come to the conclusion that if there is going to be any changes in my life its because I want them or need them for me... Not for you! If you want to offer encouragement for my choices that is fine, but please do not call me, text me, write me, or contact me if all you want to know is how much weight I've lost!!! Where are the phone calls asking how I or my son is doing with my husband 5600 mile away? My weight is not that important to me... why is it to you?
Sorry if this was upsetting to you.... it was not intended to be that way at all... This blog is strictly for me to get my feelings out so I don't bottle them up... But I am loving that you want to share not only my happiness but my sadness and fears!
Love to all!!!
